“Itchin' to Kick
Somebody’s Ass”
October 23, 2006
Senator Joseph Biden, the ranking Democrat from Delaware on the Foreign Relations Committee, has his share of frustrations working in Washington.
He’s currently working on a plan to help salvage the situation in Iraq by allowing the country to divide into autonomous regions while remaining a single nation for all federal matters.
“The Iraqi constitution already calls for this,” Biden explained. “It would give the Sunni, Shia and Kurds breathing room in their own regions while the arbitrary borders created by the British Empire are observed for things like national defense and sharing oil profits.”
The Bush Administration, via mouthpiece Tony Snow, continues to insist that “cutting and running” is “not an option,” despite leaks from James Baker’s report to the president which suggest that “winning” may not be an option.
“Things are going remarkably well in Iraq,” Vice President Dick Cheney insisted last week in an interview with Rush Limbaugh.
“Is that guy fucking high?” said Biden of the VP. “I called for his resignation years ago. Cheney’s on the kind of drugs you can only afford when you’re a millionaire who thinks he’s a billionaire.”
“And as for Rumsfeld- dammit! I am itchin’ to kick somebody’s ass!”
“If these fucking Republicans block one more sensible bill, I’m gonna go on a fucking shooting spree. See what they think about the right to bare arms then.”
Senator Biden also expressed frustration with members of his own party.
“What does it take to get these retards organized? I call Pelosi about a vote and she’s all like, ‘Oh, I think I’ve got a fondue party that night.’ Fondue? Fuck that noise.”
Senator Biden refused to comment on whether he’ll run for president in 2008.
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not thinking about that right now- I got shit to do. Bug me next year when the DNC does.”
