President Obama Fires General McChrystal
Supreme Leader Beheads President Ahmadinejad
Federal Express
Can Suck My Balls
Post Washington
June 24, 2010
by Embedded Infidel
Post Middle-East Reporter
June 25, 2010
June 26, 2010
America was shocked at the abrupt discharge of General Stanley McChrystal from his post administering the war in Afghanistan this week by President Barack Obama.
“Just blame it on the Rolling Stone article,” the president was heard yelling across the West Wing.
Two days after the announcement, however, leaked emails revealed the termination had more to do with his handling of the president’s parcels than his war.
“The general was supposed to ship some batik sarongs the president had picked out for the first lady,” said an anonymous member of McChrystal’s staff. “We FedEx-ed them to the White House, but something must have gone wrong.”
Inside the White House, an anonymous senior staffer said President Obama was none-too-pleased to receive a Mickey Mouse lunchbox from the general.
“He thought it was a comment on his leadership,” said the staffer.
Obama has already replaced McChrystal with famed General David Petraeus, who has promised to use only Army mail or UPS.
"We must not accept blasphemy at any level of the chain of command," said the supreme leader after the execution.
While thousands of Iranians filled the streets of Tehran, more in confusion than demonstration, a fuller explanation of Ahmadinejad's transgressions never came.
Iranian palace insiders have, however, revealed the true cause to the Post- an insulting gift the president sent Khamenei.
"Ahmadinejad had sent the Ayatollah a vintage Mickey Mouse lunchbox," said the anonymous source who claims the supreme leader has a soft spot for anything Disney.
"They both hate the Jews," explained the source.
The FedEx package Khamenei received, however, contained Cuban cigars and Russian vodka, which is illegal in Iran.
"He was pissed."
Grand Ayatollah Khamenei has said he will choose another president- if and when he feels Iran needs one.
Would it be so wrong for one of these big corporations to actually do what they promise?
Day after day, we're told to lower our expectations of good service, despite advances in technology and rising costs.
Well, I'm sick of it.
From now on, I'm letting you know about every company that pisses me off.
I'm starting with Federal Express.
I had a buddy FedEx me some premium Russian vodka and Cub-
you know what, it doesn't matter what he was sending.
The point is, FedEx fucked it up.
They sent me a bunch of linen skirts, or scarves of something.
I'm not saying they're not nice.
I'm just not that into wearing skirts.
Skirts won't get me drunk or help me impress a hot U.N. staffer.
How can they screw this up?
IT'S THEIR ONLY JOB!
What if someone had really been counting on a shipment, like medical supplies?
FedEx's fuck-up could cost someone their job, maybe even their life.
If they're not willing to come through, they should just give up and die.
