Jury Condemns ‘Intelligent Design,’ Winks Out of Existence
Post Topeka Reporter
September 8, 2006
Yesterday spectators and court officers were shocked when Topeka judge Walter Prodijil and twelve jury members vanished into thin air after ruling against Intelligent Design theory being taught in Kansas public schools.
“We cannot, and will not, be drawn into an unnecessary philosophical debate,” Judge Prodijil said. “Teaching of Intelligent Design will not be allowed in science classrooms, as it’s clearly not scientific. The theory requires incorporation of the supernatural in order to work, and that’s not what our public schools are there to teach.”
Prodijil promptly disappeared into a puff of nonexistence.
On the steps of the Topeka Municipal Courthouse, Scott Gardener, attorney for the defendant, the Topeka School Board, had this to say:
“Pointing to the gaps in human knowledge and saying ‘that’s God’ is just ignorant. What happens when we fill the gaps? Does God cease to be? People need to base their faith on more than lack of knowledge.”
Gardener then ceased to be.
“We felt both sides of the issue needed to be discussed,” said the plaintiff, concerned parent Brenda Meyers. “But now it’s obvious- don’t fuck with God.”
Meyers said she was pleased with the outcome, if not the verdict.
“I didn’t home-school my kids for eight years just to have some liberal mumbo-jumbo stuffed in their heads,” said Meyers.
On the courthouse lawn, spectators continued the debate.
“Just look at the human eye,” said Lillian Rodgers. “It’s so complex and perfect, God must have designed it.”
“Really,” responded friend John Frauman. “Then why can we only see four percent of the light spectrum?”
Rodgers stammered to answer, but was relieved when Frauman disappeared.
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