You're Welcomeby Chrone Osphere
January 20, 2017
You've Changed Nothing!
by P.F. Jones
No big deal.
What?
Oh, no- no need to thank me. I've just saved the world from P.F. Jones' catastrophic takeover.
Sure, I had to make some crazy changes just to outwit Jones.
Battling a madman with a time machine can get a bit messy.
First I had to give you Americans a different first black president.
I think this Barry guy did a pretty good job.
Then I had to replace the '16 Republican candidate with a different billionaire.
Sure, P.F. is charismatic and an accomplished wordsmith, but he's no reality tv star.
As for those of you out there stressing the retarded orange douchebag I've left in his stead, fear not.
I mean, yeah, he's gonna do A LOT of damage.
You are all in for a BUMPY ride.
But you'll all survive.
Well, most of you, at least. The planet will live past 2019, and for that, you're all welcome.
Now you're trapped by nothing but the limitations of your own stupid monotonous lives.
Enjoy.
Congratulations, Perry, you've changed absolutely nothing.
You may have been at this for a decade, but I've been at it for a lifetime.
When are you going to learn that no paradox, temporal boobytrap or Cheetoh-faced man child you throw in my way will make a difference?
This world is still mine.
I will do with it what I please.
And if you'd all stop fighting me, you'd see just how glorious it could all be.
None of these spats really matter. Once I have all the pieces in place, none of you will remember the strife. Just the paradise I will deliver unto you.
I will say, to all it may concern, what I should have said to you linear a decade ago:
Bring me the head of Chrone Osphere and I will make you a king.
Never mind the time, place or laws- just kill him and I'll take care of the rest.
Happy hunting, humanity.
Your days are numbered, Chrone.
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