ABS Launches Vampire-Reality Show Hybrid
(& IJI Accidentally
Created Vampires)
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"One stayed dead. Another came back as a zombie, so we killed it. The other eight were clearly vampires, with all the blood-sucking."
Rather than quietly dispose of the participants, IJI decided to cash in on the teen-vampire boondoggle.
"Why should we let Twilight and The Vampire Diaries get all that money?" asked Vladimir Himler, IJI's VP in charge of synergy.
The eight vampires, age 15-17, were transfered to Langston Falls, California, where the American Broadcast Company had purchased the local high school.
"It was that or city bankruptcy," admitted Virginia Suffield, mayor of Langston Falls.
Students have spent the semester getting used to their vampiric classmates and constant camera crews' scrutiny.
"They made us go to school at night," said Cherise Oleander, sophomore, "and people have been disappearing."
Since the semester began, 32 students and three homeless men have been reported missing in Langston Falls.
"My students are just walking prey," said Gerry Phillips, principal of LFHS. "It's just a matter of time before they're out-numbered, before we all are."
While the show began with eight vampires, production assistants now approximate there are at least 50 vamp students.
"It'll be the most-watched show ever," said Mayor Suffield while preparing a noose, "or the flashpoint of human extinction."
June 3, 2010
Also, IJI admitted that it had accidentally created vampires.
An experiment, conducted between IJI subsidiaries PharmaJones and Integrated Technologies, to improve the immune systems of JHA policy holders went awry in January of this year.
