"That was intense," said Jeremy Roker, 29, after waking beneath the KSU bell this morning.
The drunk man had "crashed" the May 4th 40th Anniversary Ceremony and proceeded to offend everyone present with his antics.
"Hippie chicks give better head!" Roker shouted at some commiserators.
"I'm joining the National Guard!" he informed others.
He fell asleep after doing a "taunting little dance" and hitting his head on the bell's brick planter.
Grieving hippies opted to leave him there.
Since then, KSU police have been "concerned" about Roker's 77-day slumber, but not enough to move him.
After finishing the tequilla in his hand and joint roach in his pocket, Roker reported he was "fine, with a slight headache."
Roker claims to have been a KSU student at some point.
"Those were the best two years of my life." he said.
Roker left campus after looking briefly for his shoes and then concluding he hadn't had any.
He reportedly plans on "taking it easy" until Halloween weekend.

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