Accident Ends in Near-Hilarity		Coca-Cola Plant Hiring Everyone But You FedEx Gets General Fired Judge Judy Nominated for SC Pedophile Relieved, Disappointed 'Twilight' Star Is Already 20 Madden's World Cup Meltdown Clinton, Palin Caught in Secret Love Affair
	Post Suspends Employees for Porn-Surfing at Work	America Finds the Limits of 3D	Snack Spray Fattening America to Death	Reality Show Sets Records for Ratings, Complaints

		ABS Airs 1st Vampire/ Reality Hybrid Series		Bert and Ernie Fired for Sex, Drugs on Web
			Split-Screen Interviews Make Anything Debatable You're My Secretary, Not a Reporter, Dammit Post Fiires COpy-Edditurs Neighborhood "Still Glowing" Jones Has a Time Machine!
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